Wandering around Acronymlandia

Feeling like I've been in the desert for years

(My first post was getting monstrously long so I've divided it in two; the previous part was my history of health issues and my attempts to resolve this. This post will be about issues I'm dealing with on GAPS.)



A very good friend of my aunt's - my cousin's (the one who had the wedding) godmother. A wonderful woman. She died of a heart attack the day after my cousin's wedding. She'd been obese for years and was finally pretty much stuck in a wheelchair the last few years. She had developed congestive heart disease and had trouble breathing. She could barely walk with the help of a cane or walker. She was a kind, loving, and well loved woman. She should not have died as young as she did. I don't want to go down that road!!

I know that I need to get serious about my health; what I do now determines how I live for the last decades of my life, and I want those to be full of wonderful experiences, and ease in my body. It's not going to be easy; not only are we surrounded by food that hurts us, and will eventually kill us, but I struggle with getting the people around me to be supportive of my health goals. Except for F, who, the last time I saw him, made sure that I did not get unhealthy (even if it was gluten free) crap but had healthy, nourishing food (he bought me kombucha and almonds when I wanted to get soda and potato chips.)

Other than F, everyone else either clueless or downright unhelpful. In particular, I struggle with my boyfriend. We work together but he has a later schedule than me, so I've gotten into the habit of staying after work to eat dinner with him. He won't go on the diet with me (I'm pretty sure he has gut issues which make it very difficult for him to not eat shit food because the bad bacteria are all screaming for it). I didn't bother asking him to because I know how he is with food.

I make him his dinner, which is what we used eat together (something loaded with non-GAPS ingredients like sugar with rice or potatoes on the side) but I don't want to have him sit in front of me and eat it! I don't need to smell or see this!! It's hard enough!!! I ask him to eat in another part of the apartment, away from me, when he's eating toast with nutella, or the spareribs combo (the kind with pork fried rice and my beloved egg rolls) from our favorite Chinese place. I ask him to get this food out of the apartment so I'm less tempted but it's still hard!

We had a talk last night about this. I was listening to one of Christ Kresser's podcasts, his latest one with obesity expert Stephan Guyanet. As the podcast was closing Chris asked Stephan what was the one thing, the most important thing, he could tell people about healing obesity. Stephan told Christ that the one thing people could do was to get rid of food triggers. We're already bombarded with the most seductive commercials from food corporations that don't care about our health, they just want our dollars, and that means making the most tempting (but least healthy) "foods" they can. We can't really do anything about that, but we can make sure to get all that shit out of our homes.

Since I started this, I've been asking G (my boyfriend) to take leftover non-GAPS food out of the house. I already got a bunch of it out; I gave away individually packaged rice pudding snack cups, sweetened coconut, Ghirardelli chocolate chips, etc. to co-workers. I dumped the leftover whipped cream and heavy cream down the sink since G said he didn't want it. But there's still some stuff left, including a giant jar of NUTELLA! When I heard Stephan talking I finished up what I was doing and walked over to where G was lying down on the sofa and asked him to listen to the end of the podcast with me. Then we had a talk.

I told him how important it was that I do this, but that it was hard. I didn't want to end up like my aunt's friend; I didn't want to be stuck in a wheelchair or a recliner, unable to move. Needing to be cared for. Dependent. I wanted to have a bright, healthy future, but I needed him to be on board, 100%, to do what I needed him to do to help me with this. That I'd really like him to do this, too, quite honestly. Besides gut and bathroom issues, he has issues with anxiety, which I'm positive have to do with his messed up gut. But if he can't do it with me, to support me in whatever way he could. This includes supporting me in not having dinner with him. Not only do I need the extra hour to get all the goddam cooking eating like this requires (not to mention the nightly detox bath), but that seeing and smelling his delicious dinner was just too hard for me at this point.

This made him really sad. We talked about it. He's been alone for so long, and getting a chance to spend time with, and share things with, someone he enjoys being with and loves... giving that up has really hit him hard. We hardly get a chance to see each other now that his schedule's been changed; he gets home at around 9:30 and I should really go to bed at 11:00 (although I literally never get to bed before 12:00, unless I'm exhausted or something.) He's much more affectionate than I am, and loves being with people way more than me. I'm quite happy with what I get at work, and the few hours with G at night. I think he needs more. We're working on balancing our needs, but for now he's agreed to help me however he can with my health because he knows how important it is. He's just not very proactive, and has a hard time seeing beyond his feelings. This is a great learning experience for both of us.

So, I'm soldiering on, along with my loved ones. I'm nervous and excited about this experiment. I've failed so many times before; even though I learned something each time, and each experience has benefited me, I haven't come close to permanently resolving my health issues. I don't want to get over excited and think "NOW I've found THE solution!!! This time it will work!!!!!" I've been burned too many times. But I do know that this will do something; I'm already seeing some amazing improvements, including of some issues I hadn't even been aware of having! I know some good - some great and wonderful good - is coming from this experiment so even if I don't lose a hundred pounds and become a perfect specimen of health, I think this will be an enormously helpful experience.

I didn't think to start this blog until after reading and enjoying Starlene's so I'm missing a few days. I hope seeing my struggles will help you with yours! Join me on our journey to health... and self-discovery, too!